You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
