im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
