I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Shame is for Republicans.
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