I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize