She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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