first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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