i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
