now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
