I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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