I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
