You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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