Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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