Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ruined the universe
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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