Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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(863): View more from Florida

I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.

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(516): View more from New York

Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee

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(303): View more from Colorado

I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day

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(313): View more from Michigan

No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.

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(614): View more from Ohio

If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.

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