my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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