either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
