The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
high people should be assigned attendants
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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