I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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