And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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