Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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