Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
