Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
