she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize