Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I could fuck to npr.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
