And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
