All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
