I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
