i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
