She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
