I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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