dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You're like the curious george of whores
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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