I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
