A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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