i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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