I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
