i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
