Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
