You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
