I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
