your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
