On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize