If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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