The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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