He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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