I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
