i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
