Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
