Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
