Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
