Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
