i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
