I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
