Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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