ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
