You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
