I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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