I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
