I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
