Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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