if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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