TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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