he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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