got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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